people laugh wen dey r happy. people cry wen dey r sad. but wat do dey do wen dey r lost?

i hav nvr been dis hurt in my life. i love my family wit all my heart but y cant i show dem tt. i hav nvr tell dem tt i love dem. m i heartless or smthing? i wan things to b better. but im de 1 whose burning it in to flames. wat ever i do i regret. wat ever i do scars me so deep in de heart. dis is de 1 thing i wanted since i can remember. my happy family. but y m i not starting wit de 1 im born in. i always tell myself everything happens for a reason. aft breaking it in 2 pieces now i shud start make dis family happen.

still healing frm de scar i brought to myself. a huge scar is being slash thru my heart. de biggest i ever had. i nvr learn how to deal wit emotions. but i tend to deal it in a diff way frm others. i guess i a bit reserve wen showing my emotions.

wen sis picked up de fone at dinner tym. i didn't noe wat was coming. my grandfather cant get up or open his eyes. wen i got de news i was lost n left de hs a bit later. i saw de ambulance i tried to convince myself it was not grandfather. but who was i lying but myself. i ran as fast as i culd. i knew tt i wont b on tym to see him. but im grateful n shock how fast de ambulance came. i felt lyk my heart is being crushed. trying not to steer emotions i watched hannah montana, skip my way to de hospital n played wit beads. but my grandfather was de only thing on my mind. wen i saw him on de bed i was scared. i was scared to touch his fragile hands. i wanted him to b safe n better. i wan him to b better so i can spy on him wen he makes his way to tm or hm. i love him wit all my heart. i wish i culd show him tt.

took 1 small pill of atarax at 2 in de morn n tt cant even put me to slp.

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